I am a sinner. I have been a sinner and I will always be a sinner. I am slowly gaining comfort believing that God has forgiven me of my sins. He has forgiven me much easier and faster than I have forgiven myself.
I struggle sometimes to be a good wife and mother. I’m sure most women feel this way too. Several years ago I entered into a very self destructive path. On this path, I hurt many people and disappointed those that were closest to me. My relationships with my family became somewhat estranged. I divorced and lost my kids, husband, house, car and soon after that, I lost my job. One would think that would end self destructive behavior but it didn’t.
I have spent the last five years feeling sorry myself because of these losses. Self pity….what a horrible thing.
In the past year, I have grown up so much. Still have a long ways to go. I’m getting out of self pity, self loathing and trying to love myself for the first time in my life. I’m working to see myself as worthy of being loved and treated well. During this process I am regaining the things that mean the most to me……my kids.
My relationship with them is growing and becoming more amazing than it ever was before. I am trying so hard to change and be the mom that I can be and that I should be for them.
That all being said….Monday, we stopped in Wichita Falls and took my oldest daughter her favorite cherry donuts and Texas Tea that you can only get in Amarillo. Monday was her first day away from Elliott and back at work which is over two hours away from him. I also made her and my son in law these cups with Elliott’s actual feetprints on them. (Although they ended up larger than the they really are.). IMG_4546
I was able to spend a little bit of quality time talking with little Elliott all alone. He now knows how much his mommy and daddy want to hold him, love on him and want so deeply to see him get well. We also might have discussed how much his Gigi loves him too. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ this little boy with all my heart.
It was a quick trip to see him but well worth it. On the way back to Amarillo I was able to surprise my other daughter at her new job and take her a candy bar. By the way, she also received her favorite donuts too 😉.
Quick side note, my second daughter is dating my son in laws cousin. That’s why she moved to Wichita Falls after college. Oh, and there’s more. One of my twin boys is dating my son in laws cousins little sister. That’s why he moved to Wichita Falls and goes to college there. One big happy family!
I am so honored that God chose me to be the mother of my amazing kids. I am so proud of them and proud of all they do. I have the most amazing kids, I know all moms say that. But with my kids, it’s the truth!
Brecken, Berklee, Kenzie and Kayden
As far as the Love Dare, it’s hard. Much more difficult than I imagined. One thing really stuck out in today’s reading to me, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than to share a house with a quarrelsome wife” Prov 25:24. I’m pretty sure that I am that quarrelsome wife and that needs to change. I’m a little nervous for today’s dare. I have to ask my husband to tell me three things that I do that irritate him. 😳
Tomorrows blog…….honoring my stepson, Chris, it marks three years since he passed away.