Wow! What a glorious 30 days it has been. I was concerned going into this time off work, that I wouldn’t take full advantage of everything offered. I was also afraid I would learn some things about myself that I wasn’t ready to face. What I found out is that I did everything I needed to do. Somehow, even being sick for the first 8-10 days was part of the plan. It forced me to be still and reflect and take a hard look at my life and the things I’ve been avoiding.
Looking at Scripture in a new light has been amazing. I’m still reading a book by Rob Bell called “What is the Bible? How an Ancient Library of Poems, Letters, and Stories Can Transform the Way You Think and Feel About Everything.” It is fascinating, and giving me good reason to revisit stories I’d glossed over in the past. It’s filled with history lessons about the culture and customs of those days, and who doesn’t love a good history lesson?
Leading worship in church was fun. I only served once during my Sabbatical, but it was life altering. I was able to listen to the sermon without getting angry – at anybody!! I was able to reflect on my own heart and soul with passing judgment on myself and letting guilt rush over me.
Attending church alone was the best. I honestly thought I’d never go back unless I was working during a service by singing or playing piano. I survived, and really feel compelled to find a church family. I’ve missed the sense of community I had being part of a local church.
So, I feel that spiritually I’ve been revived and renewed. I don’t know what the future will hold, but I need to have some hard conversations with friends and family members that have turned from the faith. I will probably never be the person who posts scripture on Facebook or puts like and share if you love Jesus on a post, but I hope I will once again be bold in sharing my beliefs and faith.
Something that hit me like a ton of bricks is the fact that I’ve been mean to myself and that I’ve been bitter and angry. I watched my personality transform over the last few years from one who loved and cared for people, to one who had no patience and little compassion. I used to be the life of the party type person, and I lost that part of me. I found myself becoming a grace-less person with little tolerance for anything or anyone. I had lost the joy of living. It dawned on me that I used to smile at people as I passed them in the mall or the grocery store, and I realized that I didn’t do that anymore. Since I moved to Lubbock in 2015, I have wondered why I haven’t made new friends. Well, I think we all know why. I wasn’t putting friendly vibes out there. I had become a loner, and I didn’t put myself in places where people gathered. It occurred to me that most of the friends I still have, I met at church or work, and I not only left my church, but my hometown and a job I loved. I’d become isolated. So, that is my post Sabbatical challenge, to make new friends in my not so new town. It’s cliche, but I want to find myself again.
Spending time with family was priceless. I also got to spend time with two of my Amarillo besties. Setting aside time for just me was something I will continue to do in the days and weeks to come. Spending time with my wonderful husband, Toney, has been a gift. We discovered that we weren’t laughing together as much because we were always stressed out. We found ourselves laughing together during my time away, and it felt like a much needed medicine. My second post Sabbatical challenge is the find and keep the fun in our marriage. We will carve out time for just us – no work talk – no kid talk.
I can honestly say, on this last evening of Sabbatical, that I am ready to go back to work. I have a renewed sense of purpose. I feel refreshed. I feel different. I am looking forward to serving families in my community with true compassion and care and to not put the almighty commission or leaderboards before their needs. I’m usually a person that dips her foot in ten different pools without completely getting wet. I’m scattered and out of balance, but now I’m ready to jump in – all the way – in this thing called life. I finally feel that I have forgiven myself and let the past be the past. It’s a new season!
Thank you, Kris, for affording this 30 day opportunity to begin again. I’ll never forget your generosity and your care for your employees.