Author: Myra Dykes

Wow! What a glorious 30 days it has been. I was concerned going into this time off work, that I wouldn’t take full advantage of everything offered. I was also afraid I would learn some things about myself that I wasn’t ready to face. What I found out is that I did everything I needed to do. Somehow, even being sick for the first 8-10 days was part of the plan. It forced me to be still and reflect and take a hard look at my life and the things I’ve been avoiding.

Looking at Scripture in a new light has been amazing. I’m still reading a book by Rob Bell called “What is the Bible? How an Ancient Library of Poems, Letters, and Stories Can Transform the Way You Think and Feel About Everything.” It is fascinating, and giving me  good reason to revisit stories I’d glossed over in the past. It’s filled with history lessons about the culture and customs of those days, and who doesn’t love a good history lesson?

Leading worship in church was fun. I only served once during my Sabbatical, but it was life altering. I was able to listen to the sermon without getting angry – at anybody!! I was able to reflect on my own heart and soul with passing judgment on myself and letting guilt rush over me.

Attending church alone was the best. I honestly thought I’d never go back unless I was working during a service by singing or playing piano. I survived, and really feel compelled to find a church family. I’ve missed the sense of community I had being part of a local church.

So, I feel that spiritually I’ve been revived and renewed. I don’t know what the future will hold, but I need to have some hard conversations with friends and family members that have turned from the faith. I will probably never be the person who posts scripture on Facebook or puts like and share if you love Jesus on a post, but I hope I will once again be bold in sharing my beliefs and faith.

Something that hit me like a ton of bricks is the fact that I’ve been mean to myself and that I’ve been bitter and angry. I watched my personality transform over the last few years from one who loved and cared for people, to one who had no patience and little compassion. I used to be the life of the party type person, and I lost that part of me. I found myself becoming a grace-less person with little tolerance for anything or anyone. I had lost the joy of living. It dawned on me that I used to smile at people as I passed them in the mall or the grocery store, and I realized that I didn’t do that anymore. Since I moved to Lubbock in 2015, I have wondered why I haven’t made new friends. Well, I think we all know why. I wasn’t putting friendly vibes out there. I had become a loner, and I didn’t put myself in places where people gathered. It occurred to me that most of the friends I still have, I met at church or work, and I not only left my church, but my hometown and a job I loved. I’d become isolated. So, that is my post Sabbatical challenge, to make new friends in my not so new town. It’s cliche, but I want to find myself again.

Spending time with family was priceless. I also got to spend time with two of my Amarillo besties. Setting aside time for just me was something I will continue to do in the days and weeks to come. Spending time with my wonderful husband, Toney, has been a gift. We discovered that we weren’t laughing together as much because we were always stressed out. We found ourselves laughing together during my time away, and it felt like a much needed medicine. My second post Sabbatical challenge is the find and keep the fun in our marriage. We will carve out time for just us – no work talk – no kid talk.

I can honestly say, on this last evening of Sabbatical, that I am ready to go back to work. I have a renewed sense of purpose. I feel refreshed. I feel different. I am looking forward to serving families in my community with true compassion and care and to not put the almighty commission or leaderboards before their needs. I’m usually a person that dips her foot in ten different pools without completely getting wet. I’m scattered and out of balance, but now I’m ready to jump in – all the way – in this thing called life. I finally feel that I have forgiven myself and let the past be the past. It’s a new season!

Thank you, Kris,  for affording this 30 day opportunity to begin again. I’ll never forget your generosity and your care for your employees.

I realize my last two blogs were a little heavy, so I want to write about the fun and games of Sabbatical! I also want to mention my service project, so I’ll start there.

Originally, I was supposed to work at my daughter in law’s school. It’s a low income school with kids who are mostly raised by grandparents, so there is little parental support and very few of them volunteer. I thought it would be right up my alley, so I offered to volunteer in her classroom. These plans were made in early 2016, but they changed because our grandson was born in June, and she is still on maternity leave. So, I was talking to a social worker that is heavily involved in the community, and I mentioned that I needed a service project. Her eyes lit up, and she said she had just the opportunity for me. I had the privilege of working with Comfort Keepers and Meals on Wheels to call churches and private schools and encourage them to hold food drives or donate money to feed seniors on the weekends. I found out that 1 in 3 seniors in Lubbock doesn’t have enough to eat on the weekend because Meals on Wheels only delivers during the week. I plan to continue working with Meals on Wheels after Sabbatical is over. Nothing truly enlightening happened during that experience, but it reminded me that I need to serve others. I’ve been out of practice.

Grandkid paradise is the only way I know how to describe the rest of Sabbatical! This summer, 3 of my grandkids moved to Ft Worth from Amarillo. I saw them on a regular basis when they were only 2 hours away, but 4 1/2 hours is another story! An entire month passed without a visit, so, needless to say, when they came for a weekend, I was beside myself. We hung out and ate and laughed and hugged and did what we always do. There is never a dull moment with the Bowyer bunch.

After they went home, I flew to North Carolina to see the other 3 grands. They left Amarillo in 2015, and I have only gotten to visit them one time in the last two years!! So, I planned a long trip to go catch up on hugs and kisses! My oldest daughter also flew out so we could have a little mom-daughters time. Sometimes, I just miss hanging with my girls. When you add husbands and kids to the mix, it changes everything, and I was nostalgic for days gone by.

We helped Melissa, my oldest, live out a bucket list item – visiting Duke University. My son in law, Shane, and my grandson Brennan are crazy Duke basketball fans, so, we went to take pictures and buy souvenirs. We arrived at Cameron Indoor Stadium on a cool Wednesday morning with hopes of catching a glimpse of the iconic gym, but it was locked. We were so sad, but had the privilege of looking at memorabilia from teams past, and soaking up the atmosphere in the foyer. We weren’t there ten minutes when a gentleman walked up to us and asked, “Would you like to go inside?” After we picked ourselves off of the floor, we went in with eyes and mouths wide open. I’m not a Duke fan, but I can appreciate any place where athletic history is made and great athletes are molded. We took dozens of pictures, and admired the beautiful Blue Devil blue color that was found on everything. Another few minutes passed and another gentleman addressed us with, “Hello there. How would you like to know how to get on the floor?”It was too much. Standing on Coach K Court was overwhelming.  It was an amazing experience, and I could go on and on. Needless to say, it is a memory I won’t soon forget.

Hanging out in North Carolina gave me a much needed respite from regular life. I had no responsibility. I got to nap, sleep in, and just “be.” My son in law spoiled me with good meals. My daughter, Christi, and I had some great conversation. I got to watch my granddaughter, Aubrey’s softball team play twice. Catching up with my youngest grandson, Jamison was incredible. He is 5, and taught me about binary math. What??? He knows his times tables and can add large numbers. What a smarty pants. He is a joy, and smiles all the time. I was worried that he wouldn’t remember me, but he did! Barrett, my 9 year old grandson, is into video games and penguins, so, I spent a lot of time watching him play. I could write pages on all my experiences, but I won’t .Suffice it to say, it was a relaxing and refreshing trip. I am a happy Nana.

The icing on the cake of this visit was bringing Aubrey home to Lubbock for a few days. We got up early and stayed up late, and had more fun than I have room to write about. Before she flew home, I drove her to Ft Worth to see the cousins she hasn’t seen in two years. They face time everyday, but it’s not the same as face to face visiting. I cried when I sent her home. She is 11, and she is my girl. I will miss her greatly.

So, today, there is no company, and I am not traveling. I am home on my last day of Sabbatical. I am alone with my thoughts and a weird one crossed my mind. This morning, I did something I haven’t done in 8 years. I went to church alone. I’ve been on church staff or a church music team since I was 8 years old, and sitting in the pew alone is something I don’t know how to do. I’ve always had a job and a place to be. Toney works on Sundays, so he couldn’t go with me. I told God I would step out of my comfort zone and walk in like a big girl, and I wasn’t alone 5 minutes before I noticed two familiar faces that I had not seen in 10 years. It was a couple I was on staff with at a church in Dalhart, Texas. They asked if I was alone, and if so, would I like to sit with them. The moral of that story is that the Lord provides!  It was a wonderful experience, and I’m actually thinking I’m ready to start attending somewhere on a regular basis. It’s time.

I’m in the middle of week two, and I realized I haven’t blogged as planned! I really thought I would use this as a journal, but realized I would probably bore you poor folks to death if I did. Funny thing, I have been journaling since I was very young, until 2009. That’s when it came to an abrupt halt.

If you happened to see a post of mine on Facebook, this is old news to you, but in 2009 I did something I swore I would never do. I walked away from a 29 year marriage and an equally long career as a church admin and musician. I was a Sunday School teacher, worship leader, and women’s Bible study teacher. I really thought I had reached everything I wanted in my career.

Suddenly, it all came crashing down. I’ve had a lot of time to think about it the past couple weeks, and it’s interesting that part of our sabbatical practice is called “redemption.”I found that an odd name to call the practice of meditation and reflection. Only now do I understand why, in my opinion, it’s called that.

I walked away from my entire life. I quit having a quiet time, I quit reading Scriptures, and I quit attending church. I was hurt and I was mad. Never mind that everything was done at my hand. God didn’t do anything to me, and God’s people didn’t do anything – at first. I decided that a divorced woman who was on church staff had no place in church work. I had fallen and fallen to the very bottom. There was no coming back from this one. There was certainly no forgiveness for this girl. I knew God couldn’t possibly hear me or see me ever again.

I did everything to hide from God and to ignore Him. I even thought I would renounce my faith. I gave away all of my Christian books and all of my Christian CD’s and printed music. I didn’t want anything to do with any of it. I put my Bibles on a shelf – funny those are the only things I purposely kept.

I went on like that for about 5 years knowing in the back of my mind that I may have changed the course of my eternity. You have to understand that I spent most of my life in a fundamentalist Southern Baptist Church that preached once saved always saved, so I tried to believe that I would be okay. However, the last four years of my church service was in the United Methodist Church. I heard for the first time that a person can lose their salvation if they didn’t want it. Oh my, was I in a mess of guilt and confusion and fear.

Fast forward to March 2015. I interviewed with FDLIC, a Christian values based company, and I thought to myself, “Why in the world and I doing this?”I was so afraid to go back into anything that had any attachments to Christianity. I knew I wouldn’t fit.

In the same month, a small Methodist Church asked me if I would lead worship on a part time basis. Yikes, really? God, what are you doing? I reluctantly began to sing and play again, but my heart was still a bit hardened.

Coincidence? Maybe, but I’m not so sure. Slowly, but surely over the last two years, I have started to open my heart again to God, but something magical happened the 2nd Sunday of my sabbatical. I searched for my Bible because I wanted to take it to church with me, and before service, I spent some time revisiting the Psalms that I once loved. It’s like a chain broke lose from my heart and soul, and I made friends with an old friend – Scripture.

I’m not sure where I go from here, but for the first time, I prayed – really prayed, and had a conversation with God. He didn’t go anywhere. He was waiting all along.

Confession #1-I’ve been nervous about taking a sabbatical since I first heard about it.  Fear, straight up, is a more honest way to describe what I’ve been feeling. I couldn’t imagine not going to work and doing what I love for 30 days. Just so you know, in the last few weeks, I have come to terms with stepping away, and I’m ready!

Confession #2- When I first started as a Select Producer in March 2015, it took me awhile to get going. My first 8 months were not the easiest, and I actually turned in my resignation in month 6. I was going to sell life insurance- ha!!

Well, I’m not sure what happened, but I decided to ask if I could stay at my job, and FD graciously said yes! In December, I went to my first annual meeting, and I fell in love with the culture, the vision, and the people at FD. I met the famous Adam Kraut who dominated the top of the leaderboard and vowed to chase him to the top of that board. I didnt make it, but I had fun trying!

Here’s the biggest confession and why I need this sabbatical: I like competition. I like to win. I like to set crazy goals and do all I can to achieve them. I am obsessed with the numbers, and I put ridiculous pressure on myself to succeed. I go into a depression if I don’t sell a certain amount in a month. I’ve spent most of this year depressed because my numbers aren’t good….not like last year’s. Never mind that I serve lots of families. I have been focusing on trips and leaderboards and commission checks. I am tired. Tired of pushing, tired of competing….really with nobody but myself.

So, this sabbatical is for rest and finding balance at work and home. It’s the mental break I need most. It’s the connection with family and friends that I crave. So, Saturday I went to Amarillo to celebrate my best friend’s birthday. That night, my daughter’s family drove in from Ft Worth. Sunday night, we had a family cookout and saw our 2 month old grandson.  Today is Monday, and my grands are still here……and I’m not at work!! I’m not afraid to take a break and to bow out of the race for awhile. I’m not worried about commissions and leaderboards and trips today. This is my time, and I’m so grateful to work for a company that believes in caring for its employees. Thank you FDLIC! It’s gonna be a great 30 days.