Author: Patrick Messersmith

My daughter, Scotty, loves oatmeal. She eats it nearly every morning she’s home with me. We’re each having a bowl as I type this.

The past two weeks off work have been such a treat – an exhausting, much-needed treat.  Connor and Scotty have been with me for almost a month now.  Even though our time has been chock-full of fun activities (we went to a place called Rainbow Vomit, and it’s every bit as cool and weird as the name suggests), my favorite times have been sharing breakfast with the kids.  The quiet moments before the day starts are the ones I treasure most, and the ones I miss the most when the kids aren’t with me.

On Wednesday this week we got to deliver Meals on Wheels to folks who couldn’t otherwise get out and get food. I remember my grandmother delivering MoW through her church when I was a kid, and I always thought it was cool that she gave back in that way.  Now, I get to show Connor and Scotty that same example – how important simply delivering a warm meal can be, and how a smile can brighten someone’s day.  I’ll admit, the recipients are much cheerier when they see two cute kids with their meals than when it’s just Ruben and me who show up (ha!).  Our route wasn’t the usual “FD” route, either – we were in abjectly poor neighborhoods – which was eye-opening for all three of us.  Connor navigated our way, and made observations about the environment and people that were intelligent, compassionate, and telling that he understands how lucky he is to have all that he does in life.  He’s a smart one.

I’m grateful for a company who allows me this time to relax and spend time with my kids. I’m grateful for the opportunity and ability to give back to others who aren’t as fortunate. Mostly, though, I’m grateful to have some amazing people in my life who love and support me.

Today, Emily will join us to deliver MoW again!  We’re sure to start an ongoing game of counting how many cats we encounter on the route, and which ones are cutest.  Scotty and Emily will probably win.

Cheers,

P

As I prepare to rejoin the ranks back in the office tomorrow I reflect on what the past 30 days have meant to me, and some of the words that have helped me cope with, understand, and enjoy the experience.  Some words are mine from a journal I kept; other words are not my own.

…

I hiked into and out of the Black Canyon of the Gunnison with a 70 lb. belly boat on my back and an 8’6″ fly rod in one hand.  It was thoroughly exhausting, but the solitude of the canyon and the emerald green water from which the rocks steeply rose was a sight to behold.  It was here that I had one of the most powerful moments of clarity in my entire sabbatical experience; a true gift from a loving Father.

“Wisdom placed her hand on my feverish forehead and said, ‘Advance and never halt, for advancing is perfection. Advance and do not fear the thorns in the path, for they draw only corrupt blood.'”
– Khalil Gibrar

Midnight, May, Colorado, and 9,000+ feet of altitude make for mighty cold toes.  Despite FOUR pairs of socks.

“Your attitude of mind covers your home.”
– Charles Stanley

I had the opportunity to serve Abilene through two amazing organizations – Palette of Purpose and Freedom Reins Ranch.  It was incredibly rewarding.

“Something within fishermen tries to make fishing into a world perfect and apart – I don’t know what it is or where, because sometimes it is in my arms and sometimes it is in my throat and sometimes nowhere in particular except somewhere deep.  Many of us probably would be better fishermen if we did not spend so much time watching and waiting for the world to become perfect.”
– Norman Maclean, A River Runs Through It

I’ve put limitations on a limitless savior for far too long, and I’m beginning to fully embrace a Jesus who desperately wants a relationship with me.  I want it, too.

“Setting eternity in our hearts was cunning, so that every last one of us would be haunted all our days with unmet longings that would cause us to seek the only Fountain that can quench our thirst.”
– John Eldredge, Beautiful Outlaw

“You learn a great deal about the true nature of a person in the way they love, why they love, and in what they love.”
– John Eldredge, Beautiful Outlaw

I am so fortunate to have had the opportunity to spend this time with my family, my children, and some friends that I had fallen out of touch with.  Each person has spoken into my life, often at a time I desperately needed their words and encouragement.  To say I’m grateful to them, and to FD for the opportunity and time to experience a sabbatical, would be an understatement.

“Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it.  The river was cut by the world’s great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time.  On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops.  Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs.  I am haunted by waters.”
– Norman Maclean, A River Runs Through It

P

It’s been an eventful few days for the Messersmiths – I had a birthday, we did some traveling and visited panhandle relatives, and now I will be ending my sabbatical in Dallas with the kiddos at my parents’ house.  I can’t think of a better way to conclude this experience than with my family.  After a pool party with my aunts, uncles, and cousins in Lubbock on Saturday, we drove to Amarillo to have lunch with my grandmother – she’d never met Scotty!  It was so cool to see them meet for the first time.  The introduction was long overdue.

On Friday morning, I wrapped up the service portion of my sabbatical by setting up for the CALF festival with Palette of Purpose – I got to draw on the concrete with sidewalk chalk! (complete with flashbacks to my youth and that wonderful feeling of dirty hands from making art)  After we set up, Stephanie Prosser (PoP’s founder) and I went to talk to a group of young people at the Texas Workforce Commission about art, community involvement, and volunteering.

Stephanie shared her story about following her passion to found PoP, and the organization’s goals to keep creative minds in Abilene engaged and to enrich our community through the arts.  She has a great story, and it’s very clear she’s passionate about what she does!  When it was my turn, I felt called to speak to this group (all between 17-22 years old) about how creative outlets and tapping into our right-brains can help us in our careers – even careers outside the arts!

I used to tell people I had a degree I never used (Bachelor of Fine Arts, Studio Art – Concentration in painting).  Art has never been my primary source of income.  I used to wonder if I’d wasted money / time / blood-sweat-tears on a degree that would never really serve me in any way other than to support a “hobby.”

This is wrong.  And this is what I shared with the group at TWC, along with some tips about unlocking their creative sides, getting involved in something (outside work) that they’re passionate about, and approaching professional issues with creativity to set themselves apart and grow their careers.  It was rewarding to listen to the group’s questions and see their eyes open (I hope) to the idea of embracing their inner “maker” – no matter the career path they take.

I also offered to review and edit their resumes – when you look at resumes all day / every day, you get pretty good at writing them!

I don’t always pick up on the nuanced impressions and messages God sends my way.  This week I received two messages loud and clear.

One:

I was meant to volunteer at Freedom Reins Ranch this week with the kids, not last week without them. 

I knew it would be hot and tiring and, honestly, I didn’t want to deal with whiny kids who I knew would rather be swimming at the pool than painting a pipe fence.  So, in my infinite wisdom I tried to force the service project so that it would be done by the time I picked up the kids from Kristi.

God had other plans, and sent some summer rain.

As a result, the kids and I spent three mornings this week painting about 100 feet (but it felt more like 100 miles) of pipe fence at and around Mike’s main horse pen.  Connor (9) and Scotty (4, going-on-16) worked so hard!  They were excited to help out at the ranch, and whining was at a minimum – especially if you don’t count my own.

I love physical and manual labor – it’s not that I don’t like volunteering with kids or feeding the hungry, but I feel my calling (from a volunteer standpoint anyway) is just to be the guy who’s willing to do the menial stuff.  Dig the ditches.  Remove the stumps.  Paint the fences.  Working my tail off in Cancun for Back2Back Ministries with the FD (and friends!) team was by far the most rewarding part of my first incentive trip.  This week, I was blown away that my kids were willing to do the same with me at Freedom Reins Ranch – they worked their tails off!

God is good, and He has given my children a great gift in hearts for helping others.  I couldn’t be more thankful that He reminded me of that this week.

Two:

I desperately needed this time away from work to rest and refocus.

We all have stress in our jobs.  It’s normal, and many times that stress can energize us and motivate us!  I’ve read about stress in everyone’s blogs, along with how beneficial the sabbatical experience is to relieve that stress.  It wasn’t until this week I realized just how much I needed this relief, too.  My stress levels – magnified by life events of the past year and my own insecurities – were affecting my work, my productivity, my motivation, and my outlook.  And for that, I’m sorry.

In classic rookie fashion, I’ve tried to plan every day of my sabbatical – and (thank you, God) I’ve failed to execute that plan in its entirety.  Simply allowing myself to wake up naturally – or with a 4-year-old jumping on me – in the morning has been so refreshing.  Contrary to what I thought, not planning every moment and simply being open to the moments presented to me has allowed me to experience even more than I planned over the past three weeks.  More play-time.  More reconnecting with old friends and family.  More sunsets.  More service.  More hugs.  More reading.  More (good) coffee.  More prayer.

I am far from irreplaceable, and it’s been so comforting to know that Dan, Mary, Paul, Todd, Sonia, Judy, Gabby, and many others will more than fill any gaps in my absence.  Thank you, everyone, for stepping up and giving me the gift of peace of mind!

At this particular moment of my sabbatical, the kids want to go to the pool – and I’m inclined to say yes!

P

“I heard a song playing, brought by the wind
I got myself lost then I found You again.”

The listlessness of last week is hanging over me like a heavy shroud; I had just come down from the (literal, not medical!) high of the Colorado mountains, and tried to fix and paint some fences at Freedom Reins Ranch – but got rained out.  The ultimate lack of meaningful activity led me to sort of get lost in thoughts; some good, others not.  It’s so human to let negative thoughts, thoughts from the enemy, implant themselves at the forefront of our minds and spirits.  These thoughts can cloud reality and distract us from the myriad blessings, whispers of truth, and ever-present glory of God’s creation around us.

This is where the book I’m reading, Beautiful Outlaw, has really shined a much-needed light into my soul.  Jesus, the Savior of mankind and the physical manifestation of God among us, was human.  Fully God.  But also fully human.

Just like me.  Just like you.

You may be wondering how it took thirty(ish!) years for me to come to this seemingly simple realization – but for a great deal of my life Jesus was fully God.  And that’s it.  An abstract third of a Trinity I didn’t understand.  A benign painting on the wall at church.  A man I thought I knew, but with whom I’d never had a personal relationship – because you’re not supposed to have a relationship with a deity.

John Eldredge has such a modest but direct way of speaking directly to the core of an issue: in this case, “religion’s” taming of the wildly generous, wildly loving, but altogether wild humanity of Jesus.  This man – the Son of Man – incited riots in temples, openly challenged authorities (often with incredibly sharp wit if you read carefully), and loved with absolute reckless abandon.  He hung out with fishermen (this has always been a favorite piece of the story for me) and shared meals with criminals and tax collectors.  He never passed up an opportunity to speak truth.  He entered a world at war and moved with calculated, passionate intensity.  He yearned for the comfort of his friends in moments of loneliness at Gethsemane, when the gravity of what he was about to endure weighed heavily on him.  Just like nothing about us humans is one-dimensional, nothing about Jesus was one-dimensional.

Like us, Jesus experienced the full breadth of human emotions – anger, joy, sadness, passion, love, loneliness.  The difference is, Jesus felt them without all the baggage of sin.  He felt them perfectly.  Righteously.  He stepped up where we fall short.  He didn’t let the cup pass.  He finished the fight.

So the least I can do is finish painting a fence this week.  And try to learn from the man who wants to be more in my life than just a benign painting on the wall at church.

2,143 miles.  That’s how far I drove last week on my adventure to seek solitude and trout in western Colorado.

“‘Come, follow me,’ Jesus said, ‘and I will make you fishers of men.'”

Matthew 4:19

It was a week of disconnecting, fishing, and thinking.  A week of praying, wrestling with wind, and wrestling with emotions.  A week of laughter, tears, and amazement at the sheer vastness of creation.  I caught a few fish, got slightly sunburned, managed to keep all my toes despite really cold nights (by a Texan’s standards) in a tent, and learned a great deal about myself / my situation / my purpose / my God.

It’s amazing how He can reveal significant truths to us in the simplest of ways – a mountain vista, a friendly stranger, the rush of a river, a brilliant night sky that makes you feel small but never overlooked.  Just being in a place that showcases God’s artistry was more refreshing than I could ever hope to put into words.  My spirit was truly filled.

Now that I’m back home and clean (though I still catch the aroma of an old campfire wafting about… maybe I need another shower…) it’s time to refocus on mission work, study, rest, and my kids.  At the end of this week, I’ll go pick them up and have them the entire month of June!  I couldn’t be more excited to spend as much time with them as possible – especially because I do not currently get to do that as often as I want.

This week I’ll be volunteering with Palette of Purpose, an art non-profit – I’m going to help them write some business plans, proposals, and a mission statement, as well as prepare for the CALF (Children’s Art and Literacy Festival) that will be next month.  This week I’ll also work with Freedom Reins Ranch in Clyde.  Freedom Reins Ranch is a children’s horse ministry that uses principles of horse riding and care to teach kids about Christ, faith, and discipleship.  Mike, who operates Freedom Reins with his wife, is a dear friend and spiritual mentor of mine.  I couldn’t be happier to help Mike out at the ranch – and it sounds like he’s got fences to fix, stables to clean, buildings to fix-up, and plenty of other things to keep me busy and tired.  Which is exactly what I want!

“Many men go fishing all their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after.”

– Thoreau

This is what I tell myself on days I don’t catch any fish. Fishing for trout is vastly different from fishing for bass (what I’ve done much more of recently) – flies smaller than my pinky fingernail disappear in moving water and easily spooked trout will turn their noses up at your offering if it’s not presented perfectly, or if it’s not the right color, or if the sun casts your shadow over them, or if you breathe too heavily…

I had a lot of rust to shake off, but I’m going to do better tomorrow; I can feel it!

It is COLD in Colorado at night… my mind thinks summer, but my numb toes this morning screamed winter! I’m about 9,000 feet above sea level, and there are stubborn patches of snow a mere stone’s throw from my campsite!

I spent time last night and this morning in the Word. I’m reading through Luke, and any time I read about angels appearing to people I chuckle. Not because it’s silly, but because every instance I can think of describes the sheer terror or the folks to whom the angel revealed himself. What creatures angels must be to make humans “like dead men” by just showing up.

I’m headed back up the mountain for another chilly night. Thankfully, I’ve got firewood and I brought lots of socks to layer!

This morning I begin a journey to camp and fly fish in western Colorado – despite a few obstacles and some apprehension on my end!  I’m so grateful for the chance to spend some time alone with my Creator, in an environment where I often feel closest to Him.  I’m not sure I’ll ever get a chance to do something like this (on my own) again!

In advance of this trip, it was great to spend a weekend with the kiddos.  We (and by “we” I mean “I” – but the kids were good sports) volunteered to paint faces at the Baird Railhead Festival with Palette of Purpose, the art nonprofit I work with.

I painted SO many unicorns (including one on my daughter’s arm) and SO many ninja masks I went cross-eyed… but it was fun to talk to kids about art and make jokes about messing up the designs.  The look of terror on a kid’s face when he thinks I painted a unicorn instead of a dragon is pretty priceless.